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When your partner is dating online, many questions arise
Relationship status unclear? Jule Malz about an ugly phenomenon: bound in reality – solo in the online world
It is well known that double mocking is better. However, this somewhat flat wisdom only applies if the double mopping makes something more stable. This includes double knots. Sometimes double peaks too. And a double whopper also makes us ‘more stable’ around our hips. What doesn’t work at all, however, is the uncomfortable endeavor to double-check one’s own attractiveness in a relationship. This includes, for example, fishing for new partners on various single portals despite the relationship. It doesn’t matter whether you are doing this purely ‘theoretically’ or actually taking action on a dating level. Unfortunately, thanks to Tinder & Co., this happens more and more often in times of easy fishing. This results in various absurdities that raise the concept of cheating to a whole new level.
One might argue about whether just registering on a dating portal counts as cheating. Behind this is the argument: ‘I just want to see what else could go’. At the legal level one would probably move in the area of the experiment. And that would be punishable. But apart from that: How strange is it when you are confronted by friends or acquaintances with the fact that your partner with a single profile – even if only “theoretically” – is fishing? Do you want that? Absolutely no way. It is also not part of a new nonchalance that the area of flirting with others has been able to move from reality in pubs or clubs to a digital world in which one is aware of one’s own desires with sausage bread in hand on the couch because as a given someone you have again collected seven matches and three super likes.
And how disturbing it is when you are shown the single profile of your beloved partner. With photos in which one may have been cut out in a bumbling manner (nausea alarm) or that depict the other in a way that we know that with this self-view, the wish alone was the father of the thought. Questions after questions arise. And it is the same that a real cheating brings with it: Am I not enough? Am I worthless to the other? Why does he or she accept the humiliation when mutual friends and acquaintances notice this and I do not? Is the other guy really kidding me?
The simplicity with which we (supposedly) singles go shopping via app today and can also pretend to be such, even when we are not, leads to tragic-comic situations in the real world. A friend of mine recently went on a date with a really decent guy. One should think so. Bar, drinks, good conversation. At some point the guy went to the door shortly, there was talk of an important phone call. While said friend happily wrote to us girls about how well her date was going, a strange girl shot around the corner and spoke to her directly. Whether she was on a date and what the guy would tell and so on. The end of the story (and the date) was this: The strange girl was the best friend of the girlfriend of this ‘really decent’ guy. My friend couldn’t know. He had a single profile on a dating app. I guess he’s actually single again by now. Good for him. Then wish and reality fit together again for him.
And then of course there are also the candidates who make absolutely no bones about the double nudge in matters of relationship. They then present themselves with pictures from the waist down and searches for submissive and agreeable contacts who are willing to live with the fact that one is in a happy relationship, but that this offers enough space for intimate arbitrariness.